Felt edgy yet pretty yesterday. Edgy. Not really a word I even thought I would use to describe myself- I thinks it’s the new haircut that did it. But I like it. The haircut and the description.
I’ve always been one to follow the rules, push boundaries but only a tiny bit, a follower, a sheep, afraid to disappoint, a people pleaser, and always trying to take anything possible to lesser the burden for others. Everyone else came before me.
It was killing me. I was miserable. There was zero balance in my life, it was either 0 or 100, anything in between did not exist.
I’ve had to learn to say no, to say I’m sorry but I can’t, to decline invitations, and to do so without feeling an overwhelming sense of guilt. I’m slowly getting there. It’s not perfect, but it’s getting better.
I will still be one of the first to offer to help, to be a listening ear, a helping hand, to say if you need me just let me know. But now I will also take care of myself and my needs. A little rougher and tougher around the edges (unless there’s a puppy involved then I’m a total sucker for anything).
I’ve always wanted to be a leader, someone others looked up to, a mentor. I never thought it would actually happen because I was never smart enough, or good enough, and there was always someone smarter or better instead. I’m learning that even the best leaders aren’t always the smartest or the best, but they strive everyday to learn and improve, then they share that with others.
Life is not a competition against others; but a chance to uplift and encourage those around you.
That’s a whole lot of rambling-all because today when I looked in the mirror, I genuinely liked what I saw. And maybe a little because of my hair.
Mascara Muscles & Margaritas 